city of blinding lights;

HAPPY 2 YEARS~

posted by babies- @ 4:02:00 PM 0 Comments

time seems to be crawling.
so slow and have not turn 26th~

it hurts so much,
so much that im turning to death.
life is, but meaningless -

heartbroken, i am.
i have a heart,
never really meant to be mended.
there i lay in a pool of blood,
after the death of me,
just to let you know,
honey i love you, i really do...

6 torturing months gone by.
stupid me, still here missing him.
everywhere i go...
reminds me of the places ive been with him.
everything i do...
reminds me of the things weve done before.
nothing fails to remind me of him.
or is it my heart allows my mind to run wild?
so wild that im far too slow,
that my feelings' far too wild to control?

time and time again...
i wanted myself to start afresh.
throw away memories of him.
get a hold of myself,
and start a new life...
so many times,
when i was just about to do so,
he re-appeared in my life..
make me feel that he'll be there.
its just time stopping us to be tgt..
and if he doesnt look for me,
i'll take the initiative,
and look for him.
but everytime,
i never seem to be on track with time.
everytime i call him up,
he'll be too busy to entertain me.
yes, i cry to my hearts' content.
and there i fall asleep aftermath.

called him yesterday.
just before i left pasir ris.
he seem much happier.
he seem to have a better life.
and perhaps thats stopping him,
to look for me anymore..
he told me he's glad,
his life's picking up a little.
and i guess it'd be best if i let go~

memories never fail to cheer me up.
thats what he once told me...
and seriously, i think it does.
i cant bear to delete his messages.
i cant bear to delete his pictures.
i can never bring myself to do so...
neither can i bear to throw away things he gave.
so much of memories...
memories that i reminisce of before i fall asleep,
every day, every night~

to love a person,
you may not need to be the one for him.
what is needed,
is that all you ever want is for him to be happy.

now that he's happily leading his life..
shouldnt i feel happy too?
shouldnt i be satisfied with this?
i cant find myself leaving him,
and feel happy when he's happy.
not that i dont love him.
i love him so much,
so much that i cant find myself.
its that, i wont be who i am,
if i find myself letting him go...
i dont want his life to be filled with pain.
i want him happy....
is this telling me to let go???

blackout-
cries.

ive never stop loving you.
never, right from the start.
i love you, just like how you used to love me.

posted by babies- @ 8:49:00 PM 0 Comments

this' getting bored.
the feeling of
missing someone,
aint good.
big big sighs~

finally, 2 days off.
its time to rest.
and time to workout.
and to lookout for jobs.
new jobs, better jobs.
interviews tmr & sunday ):

dread going out actually.
i dont know why. LOL.
caught Sky High with Jashawn.
didnt expect it to be a nice show.
but anyways, it was a good one (:
kinda funny lahs...
but its also about realising things,
important things.. haha (:
am still dying to watch other shows.
esp. Just Like Heaven...
it seems to be a great show.. haha (:

gosh. i am really a pig.
ive eaten alot today.
and i dont wanna mention it.
its terrible, and face-throwing.
gonna go workout tomorrow.
i have to, just before...
i put on more weight.
terribly sinned ):

feeling funny.
aint any good feeling.
hahaha ):

ahh~
am tired.
gonna go sleep.
God Bless Me (:

nights all.

i miss the days we spent together..
i miss the days you hold me so close..
i miss the days you told me you'd never leave.
i miss it when you whisper into my ears,
telling me: baby, i love you <3

posted by babies- @ 5:52:00 PM 0 Comments

aint tired.
am bored.
and, i miss him.
badly, and terribly.
i dont know why~

work on tuesday,
i dont remember.
rally on wednesday,
was a real bummer.
the crappiest outing.
stuffy, noisy, stupid.
and i feel stupid =x
work on thursday,
i felt funny,
felt embarrased,
wasnt feeling well.
working later.
1800 to 2200 hours.
darn boring ):
but am glad,
saturday&sunday's free.
bwahahaha (:

gonna go swimming,
on monday i think.
with ying and xin.
and perhaps...
meet up with ying.
on saturday.
dont know where to go
on the weekends.
but perhaps i'll just,
nua at home. LOL.
im getting lazier =x

life's getting boring.
havent been doing much.
just working and vcd-ing,
sleeping and eating..
and imma pig i tell ya!!
even im angry at myself.
ive been eating like a pig.
eat soo sooo soooo much.
that i cant stand it myself.
ive been eating after work.
eat again when i get home.
halfway through vcd-ing,
i eat again!!!
and they aint snacks.
all are meals. proper meals.
with rice and different dishes.
someone kill me please!!!

swimming on 14th.
getting posting on 16th.
perhaps a class gathering too.
my primary school one.
pay day on 18th (:
movie dates on 18th and 19th.
hoping to go drinking on either night.
laugh my ass out :p
24th to 26th class chalet.
26th and 27th another chalet.
and there goes a month of hols.

am waiting to catch..
April Snow, All About Love,
Just Like Heaven, Harry Potter,
Chicken Little & KingKong.
bwahahahas (:

am waiting to go shopping.
and to do my hair as well.
am waiting for and to do,
so much so many things.
but all have to wait..
till my pay comes in. LOL.

well. gotta go bathe.
and have a good night rest.
ive been sleeping at 6am daily.
for the past two days..
due to the chionging of vcds.
the prince who turn into a frog.
not too bad a show.
touching, loving and darn funny.
it teaches people things.
good things (:

good night all.

am looking forward to..
the 26th of november.
a date, with him (:

i hope it rains all day and does not stop.
cos the rain washes away the pain i feel;
and the rain hides my tears when i cry...
broken -

posted by babies- @ 5:08:00 PM 0 Comments

work has been easy & simple.
there aint many customers.
and for the very first time..
i feel that work's kinda fun.
laughoutlouds. i know im insane.
bwahahahas (:
working schedule...
tuesday, thursday & friday.
and wednesday's..
the crew rally. sighs~
i so so so dont wanna go. LOL.

tonight's my death date.
dont know how am i suppose to feel now.
am worried, am upset.
am feeling very very very terrible.
but anyways. ive yet to buy hair spray.
will get it soon i guess. ive to spray. if not...
i'd have troubles when looking for some ass.
school's seriously nothing but trouble.
but still, i hope i'd get into express4.
if not, i'll go jump.
and im serious about that. hah.
anyways. God Bless (:

feeling so terrible. sighs.
its like... i dont know.
being left out is terrible enough.
if its because i stay at punggol...
and you guys leave me out..
i seriously dont know what to do.
it aint my fault that ive to move..
its not as if im unwilling to look for you.
again, i feel as though im used.
you come to me when you need me.
and treat me as though im an irritant,
when you guys dont need me.
well, is this what you call friends?
seriously, im sad to say..
i feel as though no one friend i have..
is ever true to this ''friendship''...
not even one i guess.
i wont say its all their fault.
i may be at fault. but where?
aint friends suppose to be true?
to share things with one another?
if friends are meant to be used,
or are those that are of advantage to you..
i'd rather not have you as my friend.
some times, i really feel as though..
ive fallen to the very bottom of a valley.
the feeling aint good.
its terrible...

im so envious of my sisters.
they've friends who stood by them,
through thick and thins.
unlike me, they've best friends.
they've friends who understand them.
they've friends who'll be there for them.
and me? ive to be there for you,
when in times of need.
and if i dont, you'll fall out with me.
and not even one's here for me...
when i need just a listening ear.
or perhaps, a shoulder to cry on.
ive a handphone, with 300+ numbers.
ive to look through my phonebook,
time and time again, for over 5 times..
just to look for someone out for a chat,
when i aint feeling good or happy..
and sad to say, no one's ever free.
friends.. sometimes i just wonder,
how many friends do i have exactly?
it seems that ive no true friends.
let alone the thought of having a best friend.
pathetic, isnt it? haha.

well, gonna go drinking tonight.
i need some serious drinking.
and to get drunk if possible.
i dont wanna stay sober.
for i dont wanna be upset.
upset by the fact that...
he's no longer there when i need him,
friends of mine aint true,
the school's all biased and crap,
my results/posting may fail me.
im feeling hurt, and pain.

no one knows what i really want.
no one really understands me.

are you even willing,
to lend me a shoulder to cry on?
if you're to walk out on me,
i seriously dont know what am i to do.
for, you seem true-er than anyone else...

posted by babies- @ 6:34:00 AM 0 Comments

work was funny.
winnie was crappy.
so was wilson.
and i was insane!!
work was fun.
today only. LOLS.

gonna work tmr.
monday's off.
tuesday gonna work.
shan's OJE on monday.
jes' OJE on tuesday.
and im waiting for,
sakura to call me back.
wed & thursday's off.
friday too actually.
but decided to help.
and sat & sunday's off.
weeets~ good week. LOL.

gonna go shopping soon.
jie shopped like hell today.
gosh, im JEALOUS.
soon, it'll be my turn. LOL.
new shops opened at ps.
she said. gonna check it out.
shop, shop, shop, SHOP!!!

alrights. counting down..
2 more days to...
my death date. LOL.
no lahs. getting back results.
God Bless my results,
would be good.
and bless my posting,
wouldnt be disappointing.
God Bless, amen (:

life's so boring.
and yay!
going down to pre-rouge later.
friend driving me down.
going for a drinking session.
as well as a catching up session lah.
bwahaha~ happy happy (:

another drinking session on...
next monday and wednesday?
monday going down to sparks.
or fisherman village. or momo.
wednesday to zouk or black.
and i get to drink without paying.
for all the drinking sessions~
sooo happy lah!!! LOL (:

alrights. shant say much.
gotta get running.
friend reached. gonna go.
weets* drink drink~ LOL.

take care all (:

missing someone i shouldnt.
i dont know what to do. sighs.

posted by babies- @ 2:42:00 PM 0 Comments

work was insane.
not much of customers.
lesser than norm days.
but angeline was insane.
which made us insane.
hah. insane.

was damn tired.
and is still so tired.
gonna hit the sack soon.
real soon..
having meet up tmr.
and prolly an interview.
work interview.
lalala.

i wanna rent the vcds.
but damn it.
i dont know.
to buy or to rent.
cos price differ in 10bucks.
arghs, irritating.

no work tmr.
heading down to rvm.
for a discussion first.
then heading down to pasirris.
meeting kor and jes.
then perhaps rot till night.
no life. bummer.
no!! im gonna chiong vcds.
hahaha. i forgot. LOL =x

okays. am tired.
gonna hit the sack.
and stop the nonsence,
from linkin.
he's dying for jeslynlove.
laughoutlouds =p

by the way,
jay's ye qu rock ass!
nights all =D

missing you.

posted by babies- @ 6:27:00 PM 0 Comments

here i am, blogging again.
im extremely bored man. hah.

was damn pissed just now.
about class chalet matters.
had a ''fight'' with bingy.
was stunned at first.
cos i never thought...
i'd ever quarrel with him. sighs.
but forget it, its over.

chatting with jes and linkin now.
both crappy people. LOL.
am planning some shit.
some outings to ubin and ton. LOL.
before MY kor go NS. haha.

gotta go work tmr.
fugging boring man.
tmr mac sure flood one.
tmr hari raya ehs. gosh~
i dread going to work man.
i feeeel so so so very sick. hah.

was at home the whole day.
nua. and watched vcds.
lots of them. hahaha.
some alone, and some with the girls.
they came kinda late.
thats why. hahas.
but nevertheless~
we enjoyed ourselves. hah.

i dont know what else to blog.
except that i ate 2 magnum.
not in one day lah.
one last night while watching show.
one this afternoon before they came.
hahahahaha, so damn nice can =P
and that.. I MISS HIM, so much.

sighs. terrible.
aiights. think im going to bed soon.
feeling very tired already.
hahas. imma pig. okays okays.
shall update soon.
wish me luck for tmr ppl.
hope mac wont be flooded. hah.

nights all.

baby baby come back please..
cos we belong together~
loving you, loving me <3

posted by babies- @ 3:48:00 PM 0 Comments

5 more days.
results will be out.
feeling uneasy and squishy.

worked at 1445.
like a sotong, extremely blur one.
with winnie, celest, sharom;
alice, edmund & irene.
finished work at 1930.
but went off 'round 8 plus.
headed down to white sands.
met jashawn and partners.
waited for him to finish work.
took a cab back together.
to his house, my area.
dined at the first kopitiam.
and headed home.
watched Stairways to Heaven.
bwahahahs. NICE NICE =)
and got forced to be online.
to send songs. arghs~

aint working tomorrow.
but on thursday.
will be a damn busy night.
cos its Hari Raya Puasa.
sians half man.
but its double-pay. sooooo~ hah.
girls coming over tmr.
nua at my house.
perhaps vcds marathon again. LOL.
but i dont have much left lah.
all dvds, single cd shows.
i dont want that. i want serials!!
terrible terrible lah.

alrights.
dont know what to do lehs.
its one am in the morning.
what should i do?
guess im gonna sleep soon.
after a shower, and washing up.
terrible man. haha.

shall update soon.
cos im freaking bored. LOL.
bye all. nights.

his love; my love. our love <3

posted by babies- @ 5:07:00 PM 0 Comments

tired. im sooo tired.

its a new month.
boring new month.
i need money, i need a job.

wenta work on saturday.
was off early. 'round 8pm.
then met korkor.
wenta his house nua awhile.
watch FF7 movie.
the animation damn nice!!!
then see him play maple.
then talk on phone with jes.
then wenta kopitiam at 12+am.
saw johan. talked awhile.
then went off alone.
then korkor came find me.
chit chatted for an hour or two.
it was 'round 4plus 5am...
i wenta find johan.
was together for around 3 hours plus.
talked, and crapped around.
told him to make himself free.
on the 26th november....
hope he would...
then went back home in a cab at 7am.
got home, bathed, slept till 9am.

then jes and shannie came.
slackked. got changed.
helped them make up and stuff.
then headed off to sengkang.
find my mommy first.
then headed to wisma.
lunched and bought shoes.
then headed to tanjong pagar.
for the audition.
then waited for jashawn's reply.
then headed down to create talents.
they were very much convincing.
and i dont know how lah. haha.
so after the interview stuff..
went off and headed to ps.
dined at that foodcourt.
shopped around till 7pm.
wenta MRT station..
couldnt find jashawn..
his phone died on him..
so didnt meet in the end..
reached home. called kelvin.
got the money and bought ice cream.
glad he got top sales last night. hah.
then went home, watched tv.
and fell asleep!! ARGHS.
i dont know what happened...
in the Stairway to Heaven.. =(

so from 10 plus slept till 11am..
and will be going to work in awhile.
working at 2 till 7 i think.
come home, bathe, nua, watch tv!! hah.
working on alternate days..
today, tmr off, thursday working again.
so sians. i wanna find a new job!!
hopefully i'll get a new job by next week.
escape or whatsoever. fugged it.
as long as ive a job with an acceptable pay.

alrights.
think i gotta go.
have to go bathe, eat and prep.
take care guys..

i miss him though.

posted by babies- @ 2:04:00 AM 0 Comments